In PSHE lessons, the boys learn about the importance of having dreams for the future and setting personal goals, but that these personal targets need to be realistic and, with hard work and effort, achievable. 

Parents want the best for their children and are often eager to guide them to be the best version of themselves that they can be, but it is vitally important that any parental expectations that are set, are realistic and achievable.

The Dangers of Unrealistic Expectations

1. Stress and Anxiety: If children are constantly pushed to meet expectations that they cannot realistically achieve, it can lead to significant stress and anxiety. This can manifest in various ways, such as sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, and a general sense of being overwhelmed.
2. Lowered Self-Esteem: Consistently failing to meet unrealistic goals can damage a child’s self-esteem. They may start to see themselves as failures, which can have long-lasting effects on their confidence and self-worth.
3. Loss of Interest: When expectations are too high, children may lose interest in activities they once enjoyed. The pressure to perform can take away the joy and lead to a lack of motivation.
4. Rebellion and Resentment: Unrealistic expectations can create a rift between parents and children. The constant pressure and perceived lack of understanding can lead to rebellion and resentment towards the parents.
5. Academic Pressure: Academic performance is one of the most common areas where parents set unrealistic expectations. This can lead to cheating, belief that they are failing, and a negative attitude towards learning.
6. Physical and Mental Health: The constant stress of trying to meet high expectations can have serious repercussions on a child’s physical and mental health, including conditions like depression and anxiety disorders.

Setting Realistic Expectations

1. Age and Ability Appropriate Goals: Every child develops at their own pace. Expectations should be tailored to your child’s age and developmental stage.  Understanding what is appropriate for your child’s age, will help you avoid putting undue pressure on them to achieve tasks they aren’t ready for yet.
2. Understanding Individual Strengths: Every child is unique and comparing your child’s progress to that of their siblings, peers or even yourself, can set unrealistic expectations. Focus on your child’s individual growth and progress, rather than how they measure up to others. This helps children develop a sense of self-worth based on their own achievements rather than external comparisons.
3. Incremental Challenges: Set small, achievable goals that gradually increase in difficulty. This approach helps build confidence and a sense of accomplishment.
4. Open Communication: Take the time to actively listen to your child and understand their interests, dreams and goals. This helps in setting achievable targets that are aligned with their passions and capabilities, rather than your own.

Setting realistic, age-appropriate expectations is not ‘lacking ambition’, in fact, it’s about nurturing a child’s growth positively and helping them to build their confidence, resilience, and healthy self-esteem, as well as, ultimately, achieving their goals.