When someone known to a child has died, children and young people grieve just as deeply as adults, but they can show it in different ways. They learn how to grieve by copying the responses of the adults around them and rely on them to support them in their grief.

How a child or young person responds to someone dying will be influenced by their age and understanding, the relationship they had with the person who died, and how the person died.

A range of reactions and emotions are common, and are likely to settle over time with reassurance, acknowledging what has happened and their feelings, giving them clear and age-appropriate information, and keeping to normal routines.

How do children and young people grieve?

How children and young people grieve is influenced by their age, understanding and experience. The way they react will vary greatly, as individual children absorb and process information differently. 

Younger children cannot usually cope with strong emotions for too long and may appear to jump in and out of their grief as if they are jumping in and out of a puddle. Older children may feel overwhelmed by their feelings, including anger, and need to learn how to release emotions now and then so they don’t build up and become unmanageable.

What can help a grieving child will be unique to your child and each child will cope with the death of someone in their own way. Things that can help include:

• Clear, honest and age-appropriate information
• Reassurance that they are not to blame 
• Reassurance that a range of different feelings are OK
• Normal routines and a clear demonstration that trusted adults in their life are there for them
• Time to talk about what has happened, ask questions and build memories
• Being listened to and given time to grieve in their own way

Helping a bereaved child build resilience is especially important. While you can’t take away their sadness, you can support them to feel good about themselves and find ways to manage any worries and uncertainties. 

We are also able to offer bereavement support via our school counsellor. Please contact Miss Mellor to discuss the support available.

Find out more information by visiting Child Bereavement UK and NSPCC.