Unfortunately, things do happen that can turn young lives upside down.  Talking with your child about separation, illness, death, or other life-changing topics might be emotional and distressing for both of you.  Having difficult conversations is hard, but if handled well, it can bring you and your child closer together.

You might need to start a difficult conversation because you have to:

• break some bad news
• ask about something you're worried about
• ask about topics you find uncomfortable – like sex or drugs
• ask your child if they're worried or scared by something
• ask your child about a new behaviour.

It’s natural to feel anxious about having to talk to children about difficult topics.  But whatever the subject, and however old the child you're talking to is, you can make it easier for you both by thinking about how best to approach the topic.

Before starting a difficult chat, it’s a good idea to think about where and when it is best to talk.

Where? 
Do they enjoy one-on-one time out of the house, whether that’s on a walk or in the park? Or would they prefer a private chat at home? If you're talking to just one child about something, think about how private the time and place are. It might work best to chat at a time when other children aren't around to interrupt.

When? 
Are they a morning person? Or do they get tired in the evenings? Make sure you’re chatting at a time when you both have the energy for the conversation.

Starting a hard conversation

Being too forceful when you start a hard conversation might stress a child out. They may be too worried to speak. But a more subtle approach might mean they get distracted, and you don’t discuss what you planned to. 

Try the following: 

• Make the conversation relevant to them
  You could reference a TV show or film they know that addresses the topic. Bring a storyline up and ask what they think about it.
• Buy or borrow a book
  There are books written to help adults talk to children about particular subjects. After you’ve read the story together a couple of times, ask some gentle questions to check what they’ve understood. 
• Build on school activities
  If they've discussed something in class, you could ask what they thought about the lesson or what their classmates thought.
• Say a friend of yours needs advice
  Ask for their ideas. It's a nice way to show that you value their opinions while also finding out just how much they know about a subject e.g. online safety.

Keeping the conversation going

It might take time for your child to understand fully – and that's okay - try to keep your expectations realistic. It might not go as well as you hope, but give it time.  Your child might not be ready to talk straight away but could restart the conversation with you a few days later.

It's also best to think about having a few bite-sized conversations over a period of time. It gives your child the time to process what you've discussed and stops the whole thing from sounding like a lecture.

Find out more advice and tips on the NSPCC website.