When someone known to a child has died, children and young people grieve just as deeply as adults, but they can show it in different ways. They learn how to grieve by copying the responses of the adults around them and rely on them to support them in their grief.

How a child or young person responds to someone dying will be influenced by their age and understanding, the relationship they had with the person who died, and how the person died.

A range of reactions and emotions are common, and are likely to settle over time with reassurance, acknowledging what has happened and their feelings, giving them clear and age-appropriate information, and keeping to normal routines.

How do children and young people grieve?

How children and young people grieve is influenced by their age, understanding and experience. The way they react will vary greatly, as individual children absorb and process information differently. 

Younger children cannot usually cope with strong emotions for too long and may appear to jump in and out of their grief as if they are jumping in and out of a puddle. Older children may feel overwhelmed by their feelings, including anger, and need to learn how to release emotions now and then so they don’t build up and become unmanageable.

What can help a grieving child will be unique to your child and each child will cope with the death of someone in their own way. Things that can help include:

• Clear, honest and age-appropriate information
• Reassurance that they are not to blame 
• Reassurance that a range of different feelings are OK
• Normal routines and a clear demonstration that trusted adults in their life are there for them
• Time to talk about what has happened, ask questions and build memories
• Being listened to and given time to grieve in their own way

Helping a bereaved child build resilience is especially important. While you can’t take away their sadness, you can support them to feel good about themselves and find ways to manage any worries and uncertainties. 

We are also able to offer bereavement support via our school counsellor. Please contact Miss Mellor to discuss the support available.

Find out more information by visiting Child Bereavement UK and NSPCC.

As mentioned in last week’s newsletter, our current Learning Strength is Empathy. Developing children’s empathy is an important part of helping them grow into kind, confident and socially aware young people. Research shows that empathy is not fixed – only a small part of it is genetic – which means every child can strengthen this skill throughout their lives. 

In our Monday assembly, I talked to the boys about how as a child I loved books with maps such as Swallows and Amazons, the Narnia books and The Hobbit. However, my earliest memory of a book with a map was Winnie the Pooh and we reflected on how the characters in the A.A Milne stories are so different, with their own strengths and weaknesses, and how the characters learn to be empathetic with each other. 

Stories that we read as children play a powerful role in the development of empathy. When children read or listen to stories, their brains respond as though they are experiencing the events themselves. This helps them understand other people’s feelings, viewpoints and experiences in a safe and engaging way. Books allow children to explore emotions, recognise perspectives different from their own and build the foundations of positive relationships. 

Reading is an ‘empathy superpower’ and I thought it would be helpful to summarise some of the ways that we as teachers, and you as parents, can support the development of empathy through reading. 

Choosing books that build empathy: In class, we select stories with rich, well‑developed characters and themes that help children understand emotions, explore different communities and consider real‑world issues such as loneliness, conflict or bereavement. These books support key empathy skills such as perspective‑taking, emotional vocabulary and active listening. Please encourage your son to speak to Mrs Evason in the Library or their English teacher for some ideas on good quality fiction that they will find enjoyable but will also support the development of empathy.  

Focusing on characters’ feelings: When reading together with children, your son’s teachers or teaching assistants will spend time discussing how characters might be feeling and why. This helps children reflect on their own emotions and understand others more deeply. Reading with your son is a very important way of developing their empathetic understanding. It should be an interactive experience for both you and your son. 

Also, look out for news on the Junior School Reading Challenge over the coming weeks! 

With best wishes, 

John Bond 

On Tuesday, 20 January, Warwick Junior School’s Debating Club showed their impressive skills in a live debate held in front of their Year 6 peers. The debate topic was 'This house believes that politics should be on the Upper Key Stage 2 curriculum'.

Both teams spoke with confidence and clarity, presenting well-researched arguments and responding thoughtfully to opposing viewpoints. The boys were articulate, persuasive and demonstrated excellent teamwork throughout. The audience also played an important role, asking insightful questions that pushed the debaters to think on their feet.

At the end of the debate, a vote was held with the following results: 64% against the motion, 35% in favour and 1% of votes spoiled. Regardless of the outcome, the event was a great success, with everyone taking something valuable from the experience. It was a fantastic example of critical thinking, public speaking and respectful discussion in action. Well done boys!

In PSHE lessons, the boys learn about the importance of having dreams for the future and setting personal goals, but that these personal targets need to be realistic and, with hard work and effort, achievable. 

Parents want the best for their children and are often eager to guide them to be the best version of themselves that they can be, but it is vitally important that any parental expectations that are set, are realistic and achievable.

The Dangers of Unrealistic Expectations

1. Stress and Anxiety: If children are constantly pushed to meet expectations that they cannot realistically achieve, it can lead to significant stress and anxiety. This can manifest in various ways, such as sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, and a general sense of being overwhelmed.
2. Lowered Self-Esteem: Consistently failing to meet unrealistic goals can damage a child’s self-esteem. They may start to see themselves as failures, which can have long-lasting effects on their confidence and self-worth.
3. Loss of Interest: When expectations are too high, children may lose interest in activities they once enjoyed. The pressure to perform can take away the joy and lead to a lack of motivation.
4. Rebellion and Resentment: Unrealistic expectations can create a rift between parents and children. The constant pressure and perceived lack of understanding can lead to rebellion and resentment towards the parents.
5. Academic Pressure: Academic performance is one of the most common areas where parents set unrealistic expectations. This can lead to cheating, belief that they are failing, and a negative attitude towards learning.
6. Physical and Mental Health: The constant stress of trying to meet high expectations can have serious repercussions on a child’s physical and mental health, including conditions like depression and anxiety disorders.

Setting Realistic Expectations

1. Age and Ability Appropriate Goals: Every child develops at their own pace. Expectations should be tailored to your child’s age and developmental stage.  Understanding what is appropriate for your child’s age, will help you avoid putting undue pressure on them to achieve tasks they aren’t ready for yet.
2. Understanding Individual Strengths: Every child is unique and comparing your child’s progress to that of their siblings, peers or even yourself, can set unrealistic expectations. Focus on your child’s individual growth and progress, rather than how they measure up to others. This helps children develop a sense of self-worth based on their own achievements rather than external comparisons.
3. Incremental Challenges: Set small, achievable goals that gradually increase in difficulty. This approach helps build confidence and a sense of accomplishment.
4. Open Communication: Take the time to actively listen to your child and understand their interests, dreams and goals. This helps in setting achievable targets that are aligned with their passions and capabilities, rather than your own.

Setting realistic, age-appropriate expectations is not ‘lacking ambition’, in fact, it’s about nurturing a child’s growth positively and helping them to build their confidence, resilience, and healthy self-esteem, as well as, ultimately, achieving their goals.

It was wonderful to welcome the boys back to school this week. In our assembly on Tuesday, I asked if any of the boys had made New Year's resolutions. Among the answers were to do more exercise, say please and thank you more often and to avoid eating so much processed food! We discussed that new year has traditionally been a time for make resolutions and thinking about your hopes and dreams for the year ahead. The boys reflected on how achieving our hopes and dreams is not always easy and we have to persevere, listen to advice, ask for help, be resilient, and take small steps towards our goals. It was also important to remember to encourage and support our friends in achieving their dreams in the weeks and months ahead. 

Well done to all those boys who attended the Young Voices Concert on Wednesday this week. The concert was the result of many hours of rehearsal last term and, although it was a long day, the boys have spoken so positively about the experience, and I am sure that it will stay long in the memory. Thank you to all the staff who supported the event, especially Mrs Glover. 

Next week, the boys will start their fixture programmes and there are also parent meetings for the upcoming Year 6, and Year 3 and 4 Residentials. 

With best wishes, 

John Bond